You'll be getting a lot of these because my younger brother Danny and I have a somewhat unique relationship. ***Disclaimer: When he says that he hates me and that I'm gay, it means he loves me. I'm not gay. ;-)
The first one:
-D: *whine* I want CHOOOOOCOLATE!
-M: Dude. Quit being loud.
-D: Do you have any chocolate?
-M: Why? Are you PMSing?
-D: Yes. My ovaries are flaring.
-M: Do you remember that Mr. Goodbar Robyn gave me?
-D: *eyes lighting up* You still have it?!?!?
-M: It's in the freezer.
-D: Can I have some?
-M: What's in it for me?
-D: I love you.
-M: Go away and never speak to me again!
-D: Ah! I mean! You're GAY! I freaking hate you GAY!
-M: Here, you can have half of it.
The second one occured a few nights ago during an episode of Grey's Anatomy.
-D: Wait. I don't get it. She's having an affair?
-M: Yes. With that guy.
-D: And he's married to the red-head?
-M: Yes.
-D: And that chick wants all her bad parts gone.
-M: Yes. She doesn't want to risk the cancer coming back.
-D: What do they do, just throw them in a box?
-M: I don't know. I'm not a surgeon.
-D: Wait. Wait. Are they...?
-M: Dating? Yes.
-D: No, like, cutting him open.
-M: Oh...yeah.
*long pause*
-D: We just demonstrated the difference between boys and girls.
-M: Yeah, so?
*another long pause*
-D: I am SO confused.
I love my brother.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Green Apple
Odd how whenever you think of green apples you think of a sour taste. I've got a sort of sour taste in my mouth right now for two reasons. One: I've got a Green Apple Jones Soda at my side. Two: I saw an old friend at Subway about an hour ago when my mom stopped for lunch.
I'll feel awkward if I mention his name, but now that I think about it, I feel awkward around anything remotely concerning him now. In my junior and senior years of high school (which were rather unfortunate years of my life), Neil was a very good friend of mine. At least, I'd like to have considered him so. He was supposed to graduate with the rest of "the fellowship" as we called it (a group of six or seven or so friends in which I was a year younger than the rest), but he had failed a few classes and ended up having to do one more semester. I was looking forward to it, because I'd be seeing more of him if he was still in high school while I finished up.
All this time he was dating another of this "fellowship". I never felt awkward when I was the third wheel with them. I considered that a blessing, because I'd had many misfortunes when it came to dating (come to think of it, I still do to a certain degree). However, when she graduated and left him to finish his last semester, new ideas surfaced. They were new for me because I was completely oblivious to everything. He sat with me and some of my other friends at lunch once, and whispered in my ear that he'd had a crush on me for quite a few months now.
Just call me the Awkward Turtle.
I never wanted to see myself dating him. Ever. Mostly because I was such good friends with his CURRENT girlfriend. (Side note: I never dated him. I never will, either.)
Then I learned of something awful that happened between him and my dear Emily. She was very distressed, and I will never press her for the details. She doesn't like to use the word hate, but that was the closest I've ever seen to her hating someone. And that's something big.
So when I saw him today working at Subway, I felt every fiber of my being heating up with the Awkward Situation, and I almost felt my hands flattening against each other in the shape of the Turtle. I'll never be able to look at him the same way again, and I feel badly that I can't be his friend anymore.
That's just the way things go.
So the fortune under the cap of my Jones Soda says this: "You will soon find something lost long ago." I wonder if this something is even something tangible. ;-)
Awkwardly Yours,
Miranda
P.S. I made an executive decision. I need to sit back. Am I being too assertive? If yes...does that mean I've done the wrong thing again? I must have a knack for repeating my worst mistakes.
I'll feel awkward if I mention his name, but now that I think about it, I feel awkward around anything remotely concerning him now. In my junior and senior years of high school (which were rather unfortunate years of my life), Neil was a very good friend of mine. At least, I'd like to have considered him so. He was supposed to graduate with the rest of "the fellowship" as we called it (a group of six or seven or so friends in which I was a year younger than the rest), but he had failed a few classes and ended up having to do one more semester. I was looking forward to it, because I'd be seeing more of him if he was still in high school while I finished up.
All this time he was dating another of this "fellowship". I never felt awkward when I was the third wheel with them. I considered that a blessing, because I'd had many misfortunes when it came to dating (come to think of it, I still do to a certain degree). However, when she graduated and left him to finish his last semester, new ideas surfaced. They were new for me because I was completely oblivious to everything. He sat with me and some of my other friends at lunch once, and whispered in my ear that he'd had a crush on me for quite a few months now.
Just call me the Awkward Turtle.
I never wanted to see myself dating him. Ever. Mostly because I was such good friends with his CURRENT girlfriend. (Side note: I never dated him. I never will, either.)
Then I learned of something awful that happened between him and my dear Emily. She was very distressed, and I will never press her for the details. She doesn't like to use the word hate, but that was the closest I've ever seen to her hating someone. And that's something big.
So when I saw him today working at Subway, I felt every fiber of my being heating up with the Awkward Situation, and I almost felt my hands flattening against each other in the shape of the Turtle. I'll never be able to look at him the same way again, and I feel badly that I can't be his friend anymore.
That's just the way things go.
So the fortune under the cap of my Jones Soda says this: "You will soon find something lost long ago." I wonder if this something is even something tangible. ;-)
Awkwardly Yours,
Miranda
P.S. I made an executive decision. I need to sit back. Am I being too assertive? If yes...does that mean I've done the wrong thing again? I must have a knack for repeating my worst mistakes.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Another Addiction.
To begin, let me say that I am the Queen of Alliteration.
To continue, I've been somewhat disappointed with some of the readers over at a different blogging site I've been using for almost two years now (how sad is this, folks?). When I say I've been "disappointed", I actually mean I've been "disgusted". I decided it was time for a fresh start. My best friend Emily and I made an executive decision a few weeks ago, and it was that we should consider the summer of 2006 to be the "Summer of Fresh Starts". So...this is me, trying out a new blog site. We'll see what happens.
In the mean time (is that two words or one? I could never figure it out), I believe it's time for me to end my very first entry here with a list. (Note: in addition to being the Queen of Alliteration, I am also very well known for making lists.) This one is a list of pranks I've either learned about for the first time or have actually seen in repetition since my family moved here. So, without further ado...
Hoosier Pranks I've Learned About Since Moving From Colorado to Indiana
1) Devil on the Doorstep (or) Ding Dong Ditching. This one is pretty much self explanitory.
2) Gnoming. This is where you and some friends in a car drive around in any given neighborhood, periodically taking turns jumping out of the car to steal various lawn ornaments and then tossing them out the windows of the car when leaving for home.
3) Forking. Take a load of plastic forks, push them into the lawn of an unsuspecting victim, and break off the handles. Then, when this victim goes to mow the lawn...ohh. There goes the lawnmower. A variant of this prank is also Frozen Forking, where the forks are stuck into the snow of someone's lawn, broken off, and left there to freeze.
4) Stupid-Blow-Up-Thing-Slashing. This one was actually a product of the imaginations of myself with a few of my cousins at a very dysfunctional Thanksgiving gathering two years ago. In the colder months of the year, we've noticed a lot of inflatable lawn ornaments to celebrate the season. I made a separate list of the stupid blow up things we've seen, which I will not include here, but included in this list is The Grinch, Scooby Doo With A Santa Hat, and various other winter icons. This prank involves us going around in the dead of night with large knives and slashing the stupid blow up things. (We couldn't come up with a better name for this prank.)
5) Hubcapping. Basically, you steal the hubcaps off of someone's car and hide them in a car belonging to a close (and, albeit, unsuspecting) close friend.
As of now, these are the only five I can think of, but I might be back later to add to this list.
However, I do believe that the best prank ever was a practical joke played on a friend of ours from youth group that I got pulled into at the last minute. What happened: We (when I say "we", I refer to myself, Andy aka Skippy, Marcus, and Nic) covered our friend's car in post-it notes while he was still in school. Why were the four of us not in school ourselves, you ask? We're college kids and our friend (Mammo) is still in high school.
Woo.
I leave you with that.
Unfortunately yours,
Miranda
To continue, I've been somewhat disappointed with some of the readers over at a different blogging site I've been using for almost two years now (how sad is this, folks?). When I say I've been "disappointed", I actually mean I've been "disgusted". I decided it was time for a fresh start. My best friend Emily and I made an executive decision a few weeks ago, and it was that we should consider the summer of 2006 to be the "Summer of Fresh Starts". So...this is me, trying out a new blog site. We'll see what happens.
In the mean time (is that two words or one? I could never figure it out), I believe it's time for me to end my very first entry here with a list. (Note: in addition to being the Queen of Alliteration, I am also very well known for making lists.) This one is a list of pranks I've either learned about for the first time or have actually seen in repetition since my family moved here. So, without further ado...
Hoosier Pranks I've Learned About Since Moving From Colorado to Indiana
1) Devil on the Doorstep (or) Ding Dong Ditching. This one is pretty much self explanitory.
2) Gnoming. This is where you and some friends in a car drive around in any given neighborhood, periodically taking turns jumping out of the car to steal various lawn ornaments and then tossing them out the windows of the car when leaving for home.
3) Forking. Take a load of plastic forks, push them into the lawn of an unsuspecting victim, and break off the handles. Then, when this victim goes to mow the lawn...ohh. There goes the lawnmower. A variant of this prank is also Frozen Forking, where the forks are stuck into the snow of someone's lawn, broken off, and left there to freeze.
4) Stupid-Blow-Up-Thing-Slashing. This one was actually a product of the imaginations of myself with a few of my cousins at a very dysfunctional Thanksgiving gathering two years ago. In the colder months of the year, we've noticed a lot of inflatable lawn ornaments to celebrate the season. I made a separate list of the stupid blow up things we've seen, which I will not include here, but included in this list is The Grinch, Scooby Doo With A Santa Hat, and various other winter icons. This prank involves us going around in the dead of night with large knives and slashing the stupid blow up things. (We couldn't come up with a better name for this prank.)
5) Hubcapping. Basically, you steal the hubcaps off of someone's car and hide them in a car belonging to a close (and, albeit, unsuspecting) close friend.
As of now, these are the only five I can think of, but I might be back later to add to this list.
However, I do believe that the best prank ever was a practical joke played on a friend of ours from youth group that I got pulled into at the last minute. What happened: We (when I say "we", I refer to myself, Andy aka Skippy, Marcus, and Nic) covered our friend's car in post-it notes while he was still in school. Why were the four of us not in school ourselves, you ask? We're college kids and our friend (Mammo) is still in high school.
Woo.
I leave you with that.
Unfortunately yours,
Miranda
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